Saturday, February 19, 2011

Yes, it IS a diet and no, you CAN'T eat anything you want.

Alright, here's the deal. I joined Weight Watchers (WW) online. Again. I had a moment last month where I felt like I was never going to get the call from the eating disorders program and that I was going to continue to gain weight at a mind boggling rate and that I just needed to do SOMETHING to stop the bleeding, so to speak. So, I signed up. I was embarrassed to even tell my husband. That's how messed up I've gotten. I'm embarrassed to tell the people that I love that I'm trying to lose weight again. Anyhow, things are going okay. I've lost a few pounds instead of gaining them, so that's alright.

I'm starting to get to the point (that I always get to) where I'm losing momentum because I'm so sick and tired of thinking about food all the time! I think about what I can have and what I can't have. I think about whether or not I'm being "good" and then I admonish myself for thinking of it in terms of being "good" or "bad". Because this isn't a diet. It's a lifestyle change - if I could write that so you could see me rolling my eyes, I would! My poor brain has a hard time grasping the concept that I'm not on a diet. To me, not being on a diet means eating what I want, when I want and in quantities that I want. But due to my new "lifestyle", I can't settle in to watch my shows with a bag of Doritos and some chocolate. Even though, I'm not on a diet and I can eat whatever I want. I simply choose not to eat the Doritos. Ahem....yeah. Right.

I have to face it. I'm on a diet. And I will have to follow this diet for the rest of my life if I want to get to and maintain a healthy weight. Call it a lifestyle change, call it whatever you want. A diet by any other name is still smaller portions and healthier foods.

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