Every night when the girls go to bed, provided I am not at work, I go and tuck them in. First I go into Berio's room. I kiss her and hug her and cuddle her. She goes to sleep now the same way she did when she was a baby...fighting it every step of the way. I don't stay in her room long. Staying there would only prolong things and there is a very small window of opportunity to get Berio to sleep before she gets overtired and ends up being awake for hours. She rocks herself to sleep sitting up. More often than not, she ends up slumped over in what must be a most uncomfortable position. I go back into Berio's room and I whisper, "Lie down, Sweetie" she lies down on her side and curls up. She doesn't like blankets, but I cover her up anyway. I don't want her to get cold.
After I leave her room, I go into Bonesie's room. She likes to be held and to have her back scratched. She also likes to be sung to. She, too, goes to sleep the same way she did when she was a baby...fast. Once she settles in, it only takes her a few minutes to get to sleep. And what a sound sleeper she is! I've never seen anything like it. Nothing can wake this kid up. Sometimes, I'll doze off in her bed with her. I'll fall asleep thinking about what they mean to me.
I know that I need to lose weight for myself...for my health. And maybe someday, I'll get to the point where I believe that I'm worth the kind of care and attention that losing this much weight requires. But in the meantime, I have to keep telling myself that these girls need their mother. If I don't lose weight, I will die sooner than than I need to. They're little girls, for crying out loud. They need their mother! Even when they're no longer little girls, they'll need their mother. Someday, they'll get married and have babies of their own and hopefully they'll need (or maybe just really want!) their mother. For now, I'm going to have to do this for them. They really are worth it :)
My Thought Chain
7 years ago