So...we had a flood in the basement this morning. The hot water tank started leaking. Badly. And I spent a good part of the morning cleaning it up. And now we're without hot water until tomorrow evening (at the earliest...).
And in the midst of all the commotion I forgot I was supposed to be eating better today. And I had Pizza Pops for lunch. And I feel like a jerk for not even making it half a day.
My older sister, who I haven't seen in about 7 years, is in town. On the way over to see her all I could think about is that she's going to see how fat I've gotten. I have some issues :P
Bones finished her first ever year of school yesterday! I'm so proud. I can't believe how quickly this year went. Next year will do the same and before I know it, both of the girls will be in school. I'm looking forward to that and dreading it at the same time. When did I get so old!?
I'm off work for a week. Woo hoo! Then I go back for a few days and I'm off for another ten days :-)
The girls are in the tub right now. I'm sitting on the bathroom counter on my laptop. I love my laptop.
Literally. My house is a bit of a mess. And all of those things I've been avoiding? Well, they are even harder to get started on when the house is messy. My desk is probably the worst of it and it's my desk that I really need right now! I mentioned a correspondence course in my last post...well, I have GOT to get going on that. It's not a hard course. It's a university level introductory English course. It's actually something that I enjoy! But for some reason, I put it off and put it off and while I'm not actually behind yet, I'm heading that way fast!
Anyway, this was just a short break. I'm more than halfway through today's 'to do' list and I want to get back at it before I lose all the momentum I have going here.
Way before I ever started this blog, I saw a therapist for awhile. I wanted to talk about my childhood and my depression and "deal with" everything that happened when I was a kid. But we always ended up talking about my weight. I didn't like that. Buuuuut...I'm pretty sure I know why I didn't like it. It's because everything she wanted me to do was so hard! She wanted me to exercise, for crying out loud!! She wanted me to not make excuses!! She wanted me to take responsibility for my weight and didn't hand me some grand diagnosis that I could hide behind for the rest of my life.
We talked about how I have avoidance issues. I don't try new things because I don't want to fail. And if I do try something new and it's too hard, I just stick my head in the sand and avoid it. I pretend it's not there. And it doesn't even have to be something really hard...just something that I can't immediately do. Even if I know that it's something I really do have to do (a work project or homework for this correspondence course I'm taking, for instance) I'll pretend it doesn't exist if I encounter even the slightest bit of resistance. As long as I'm skating along, not having to put any effort in, I'm good. As soon as I hit a snag, though, I'm out.
I think it's fairly obvious why I haven't been here for so long. I'd love to say that I've been doing great and that I'm down another 10 pounds since the last time I posted. But I haven't been doing great. And I'm not down another 10 pounds. I'm up a bunch. I think my total loss is now at 13 pounds or so. And when I pick up the proverbial 10 lb bag of potatoes I do realize that it's still significant. And the fact that I haven't had to go back to an XL belt at work is significant. But I'm still disappointed in myself.
But I'm not a quitter. I'm an avoider ;-) And in the end, even if I go in kicking and screaming, I always do what needs to be done. That's where I am right now.
I'm a (part-time) working mom to two beautiful girls, Bonsie (7) and Berio (5) and wife to a pretty cool dude. I started this blog to chronicle my journey to lose 100 lbs in the hopes that someday what I have to say here will help someone else. Did I lose the weight? Maybe I did and maybe I didn't. But I did realize along the way that being overweight wasn't the problem. It was a symptom.