Friday, December 26, 2008

Random Stuff

Christmas was nice :-) I ate too much, of course. But it's Boxing Day and Christmas is officially over so there are no excuses now! We don't really celebrate New Years (especially since I'm working New Years Eve!) so I don't have to worry about that.

My Dad is visiting. He hasn't been anywhere for Christmas in 40 years! So this was a big change for him! He seems to be enjoying himself and I'm happy about that.

We were talking about step mom's new boyfriend (remember him?) and Dad told me that they weren't together anymore because the guy's WIFE was moving back in with him. He was a married man. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I know it's wrong...but it made me a little bit happy. I'm petty and childish, I know.

Bones and Berio were really good this year. Although, Bones broke my heart a little bit yesterday. Quick back story...from the time Bones was 1 until she was 2, we put her in a home daycare. The daycare provider was my younger sister's boyfriend's mother, so I was as comfortable as I could be leaving her there. That's not saying much. I don't trust people easily. My own childhood experiences taught me that you can't always count on people...even the people who are supposed to protect you the most. So, it was hard.

Shortly after I went on maternity leave the second time, Bones (who was only just over two at the time) was talking to one of her dolls and said, "Do you want to go to bed? Do you want to go to bed? Well, SHUT UP!" I was shocked. Completely shocked. We don't talk like that to each other in my house so I had no clue where that had come from. I asked who said that word and she told me, "Daycare provider (DCP from now on) did." I was upset but figured it wouldn't be worth it to make a big deal about it. Bones was only two and wouldn't remember it, especially since she was never going back there again. And DCP was practically my sister's mother in law. I didn't want to rock the boat, I guess.

DCP's name comes up every now and then and Bones will bring up the "Shut up" thing sometimes. We've never mentioned it again, except to let her know when she brings it up that DCP shouldn't have said that because it wasn't nice.

Yesterday, my sister was over. She's still with DCP's son. She had to leave since she was going to DCP's for dinner. After she left, Bones, who is almost five now, and I had the following conversation.

Bones - Where did Auntie K go?
Me - She went to DCP's house.
B - DCP's house?
M - Yep.
B - I hope DCP doesn't yell at Auntie K.
M - (small fake chuckle here) Why would DCP yell at Auntie K?
B - Well, she yelled at me.
M - silent
B - She said, "Stop crying...there's nothing to cry about. Shut up!" But there WAS something to cry about!
M - What was there to cry about?
B - Because I didn't like her!

At this point, I sort of apologized for having to send her there...but I didn't want to get all dramatic about it and freak her out so we just dropped it at that point.

I felt sick to my stomach, though. In the grand scheme of things, someone telling my daughter to shut up is not that bad. I know that. There are children out there that are enduring unspeakable things. This just isn't that bad.

But it is. Because I remember her crying and crying as we were leaving her there. And I hated every second of it. It felt like I was being torn apart. But I left her there anyway. Because I thought she was just being a normal baby that didn't want to be separated from her parents. And I understood that. But I felt like I had no choice. I had to go back to work. So I left her there. And something bad happened to her. Something that, although small in the grand scheme, still stays with her almost three years later. It makes me sad.

Enough about that. I have to go and clean. What a mess!

Hope everyone had a nice Christmas :-)



Anonymous said...

Hey lady I found your blog through another blog and I wanted to recommend a book for you- it's called "In Defense of Food" by Michael Pollan. It's not a diet book, but a history of food kind of "how did we get to Red Hot Cheetos and corn syrup??" kind of thing. Very interesting, and it literally changed my life and my relationship to food. I was at my heaviest when I read it, and within two months I had lost 10 pounds because I simply didn't want to put certain things into my body anymore knowing what I knew about what they did to you. I have recommended this book to several people, with different body types and eating habits, and they have all lost weight- not by following a diet, because he doesn't recommend one, but just by naturally wanting to give up junk foods once you really internalize their effects on your body holistically.

Good luck, I know you can do this! Hope you like the book :)

Mama H said...

So sorry to hear about your DCP... I can feel your pain through your post. I am also in the process of losing weight... 36 lbs down, 104 to still go... I have been reading your blog for a while now... Let's make 2009 OUR year to be SKINNY, okay? We can do this!

tejanamama said...

My heart breaks for you and your child. I hope she forgets soon. Those are definately not the kind of people she needs in her life. You must feel awful. I hope the yelling is the extent of it. She has a good memory that one!! LOTS of extra hugs and kisses for her from mommy should help her realize she was right and that DCP was WRONG. Mommy treats her how she should be treated. I'm dreading school starting. My girl is almost 4 and I work from home just to avoid this. HUGE Pay cut and we have to cut corners, but i am terrified of leaving her with anyone! Such a risk mothers have to take with their children, and it is sad that even friends and family cannot be trusted sometimes :( :(