Friday, November 14, 2008

What the hell??

Everything was going fine yesterday. Really, it was. I was rushed by the time I was getting ready for work and so I didn't have time to make my dinner. No big deal. I grabbed some fruit and a cereal bar to have for snacks and figured I'd just grab something healthy for dinner from Wendy's or Subway or something. I love chili and a baked potato from Wendy's and it's SO filling. And you really can't go wrong with a sub loaded with veggies. That was the plan.

I got to work and I was fine.

Then my boss' assistant (AA) asked me to help him with something that is 100% his job. I'd helped him before, you see. I was noncommittal - I didn't say I wouldn't do it...didn't say I would but after the office cleared out and there was just my partner and myself left, I started to think about it and I realized that AA was seriously taking advantage of the fact that I'd done something nice for him in the past. If I helped him again now, would he keep asking? He actually asked me on Friday, if I had time on the weekend to do it. And then 3 out of the past 4 evenings, he's reminded me at shift change that this task was still waiting for me. I like AA, I do. And I like to help others, really. But this rubbed me the wrong way.

I had a couple of donut holes.

I called my husband to chat and suddenly, I realized that I was close to tears. He wasn't saying anything upsetting. But, you know how, when you're upset and trying to hold back the tears and someone gives you a hug and the flood gates open and you simply can't stop yourself from crying? It was like that. I didn't tell him what was bothering me on the phone.

I ate a donut.

I decided to email my husband about what happened. His reply didn't really address my problem. I completely understood why. Bones has had diarrhea for a couple of weeks (no other symptoms) and he was talking about that. But that didn't help me at that moment.

I started to plan what I was going to have for dinner. At first, I was looking in my WW Restaurant Guide, checking the points of everything. But my mood was dropping by degrees. And quickly.

I ordered Chinese food.

When I went out to pick up my food, there was a war going on inside my head. A voice was yelling, "STOP! You're never going to get anywhere if you keep doing the same things over and over!" "Why can't you just stick to something for once?" "Why do you even try?"

I stopped and picked up some chips and a chocolate bar.

I'd love to tell you that I came to my senses and cancelled my food order and didn't eat the junk food. I'd love to tell you that, but I can't.

The battle is on again today. It started first thing this morning. So far I'm winning. But I don't for how much longer. I'm so tired of this. So tired, period.


Fat Jeans said...

Well, that was yesterday. Today is a brand new day. No way to erase the past... but pick yourself up and start again today.

Jessica said...

I agree. Let it go and just move on.
As for the AA, I suggest a talk with this person and let him know that while you helped him in the past, and you'll be happy to help him in the future, that it's his job to complete that task and that you won't have time to do your own work and his. As for the weekends, if he's not willing to give his up, why should you?