Thursday, September 25, 2008

My heart hurts

Bonsie started school last week. Today is her 4th day. The first few days she enjoyed it. She didn't cry when we dropped her off, she liked her teacher, all was good. Then, today, she tells me she's not going to school. I asked her why and she told me that there was too much sitting around at school. I chuckled and didn't think it was going to be a problem. Then, as we were leaving for the school she started crying. At first she said it was because she didn't get a chance to give her sister a kiss and a hug. I convinced her that she could do that at lunch. Then she reiterated her complaint about the fact that she had to do so much sitting at school. By the time we got to the school yard, she was stopping every few steps and begging me to turn around. She was crying and yelling, "Mommy, PLEASE, let's turn back! I don't want to go there! I don't want to go there!"

I have to tell you it was all I could do not to pick her up, hold her close and turn around right then and there for home.

When I was little there were many times (too many to count) when I didn't feel like I was on solid ground. Times when I didn't feel safe and secure. When I didn't feel like I was my parents' priority. And when I had Bones, I knew right then and there that I would do anything to make sure that she NEVER felt that way. I make sure that she takes it for granted that her world is secure.

In my head, I know that school is what's best for her and that she'll get used to it. In my head, I know that she'll learn and excel there. In my head, I know that they can teach her better than I could.

But in my heart, I feel like I just want to bring her home and keep her here and never let her out of my sight.

2 comments:

Jessica said...

Oh, my heart goes out to her and to you. It's just as hard on the parents to let go as it is for our children.
Take the opportunity to talk with her teachers and let them know what's going on. Maybe they can give her more 'chores' to do in the classroom to keep her active. No little body can sit for too long. Bodies were meant to be active and that helps the mind to focus.

Mama H said...

Long time lurker with 112 more pounds to lose here...

Just wanted to say that I can completely relate to your situation. It is SO hard to see your children upset. All I want to do is shelter and love them and never let them know of the evil and sadness in this world, but unfortunately, that is not possible or realistic.

I agree with Jessica. I would definitely talk to the teachers. Let us know what they say if you do!