Friday, July 11, 2008

Tie a knot and hang on

Med changes suck.

About six years ago, I went to my doctor because I'd had a couple of anxiety attacks that really freaked me out. She explained that the attacks were probably the result of an increase in outside stressors and she said she'd prescribe me some Ativan to get me through any future panic attacks. I asked her if me feeling like my coworkers were suddenly all thinking that I was a complete idiot could be related. I told her that I was suddenly feeling extremely shy with people that I had been working with for years. And I was having a difficult time making even the smallest of small talk with people. And although I had always been kind of a loner I was starting to avoid social situations because of these feelings. She said it sounded like I had Social Anxiety Disorder and prescribed me some Celexa (20 mg/day).

Things improved. Greatly. I got married, got pregnant and got a new job.

Pregnancy really did a number on me. My hormones went all crazy and so did I. The first time wasn't so bad, but the second time was horrible. Seven months after the birth of my second daughter I was back in my doctor's office. I had a new doctor and he knew all my history and he thought it would be best to up my Celexa until I was feeling better. I started taking 40 mg/day.

I never really got better. And a year or so later I actually started to get worse. By the time Berio was two, I was a hot mess. My emotions felt like they were right at the surface and any little thing, good or bad, could make me cry. I started snapping at my husband and then the girls. I was quick to anger and my temper was like a match being lit. I know that's cliche, but there's a reason it's described that way. It's because that's exactly what it's like. I went to talk to Dr. M and he asked me what I wanted to do about it. I told him that the Celexa wasn't working and I wanted to switch meds. He suggested I try Wellbutrin.

He gave me a timeline for weaning off the Celexa and starting the Wellbutrin and told me to come back in six weeks and we'd re-evaluate.

So. Here I am. I took my last Celexa two weeks ago tomorrow and I'm still experiencing some unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. The most annoying one is the "shocks". It's like being zapped with dizziness. It's horrible! But that's not! My sleep is disrupted, my joints ache and to top it all off I'm also experiencing some of the side effects of starting on the Wellbutrin. (sigh)

I guess I'll just hang in there a little longer and hopefully this will all clear up soon.


Kelly said...

Good for you to know when to ask for help. This makes you a great wife and mother. Hang in there! Brighter days are ahead!

Mamalicious said...

Oh, Sorry about the zappppps. That can't feel good. I hope you get it worked out soon. I'm also on the verge of a meds switch, hopefully.