Thursday, April 17, 2008

GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate being fat. Or do I? Because really, all I have to do is eat less and move more and this will all go away, right? What's my problem anyway? I must like it. I must actually enjoy when people make comments behind my back and snicker about whether or not I "should be wearing that." It must make me feel really good when I go to work and am uncomfortable in my uniform and am sure that people aren't taking me seriously. Because if I didn't like it...I would just stop stuffing my fat face and do something about it, right? But you know, having people assume that because I'm fat I must also be stupid and lazy actually works in my favour. People's expectations of me are so low that I really don't have to try that hard. And let's face it, when you're fat you really don't have the energy to try to do anything with any kind of effort.

Yeah...I LOVE being depressed and frustrated and bored and angry. And then to be able to deal with those emotions by eating until I'm numb is THE BEST. The lack of energy, moodiness and depression that perpetuates the vicious cycle is just an added bonus!

Okay, I'll admit, every once in awhile when I'm not feeling quite shitty enough about myself I'll go on a diet. Because then, in addition to being a fat ass, I also get to be a failure. Because, after all, it's so freaking easy to lose weight that EVERYBODY can do it. Except the biggest, fattest, dumbest loser in the world.

Oh yeah. I love it, alright.

2 comments:

Susan said...

Lisa, Can I just say that I so agree with you? Thank you for writing some of what I am feeling. I think some people, both in real life & on BBC, obviously just don't get it. Apparently, they think we enjoy being this way & love to throw in some comments that we should get off our ass & do something about it. Oh, well, if only it were that simple.

Jessica said...

I urge you to check out www.mckenna.com. I've been on this 'diet' for 6 weeks now and I've lost 13lbs. It's simple and the best part is I eat what I want when I'm hungry. The hard part is eating conciously. Anyway, seriously look at it.