Friday, February 15, 2008

The Spotlight Effect in effect.

It's winter. And for the past couple of weeks we've been having windchill warnings of -40C every other day, it seems. It's just not possible to have the girls play outside. So today I decided to take them to McDonalds Playland. I get coffee, they get to run around and burn some pent up energy without having to freeze...everybody's happy.

We're playing there today and this little boy comes in and starts playing one of the driving video games (which I don't really like in there, but nobody asked me!). S goes over and tries to grab the wheel, so I tell her "No, no, sweetie. The little boy is playing" at the same time this little bugger pushes her hand away :-) Really, it wasn't a big deal. He didn't hurt her and she didn't care and I could totally see his point. But his Mom, who had been watching through the window, comes in and before she gets a chance to say anything to him she looks at me with surprise and says, "Hi Lisa!"

My first thought, is that I look terrible. At least I'm not in my sweats today...but that's about all I have going for me. And then, I realize that this isn't someone I know right now. It's someone from my past. From high school. Someone I played volleyball with. And all of a sudden all I can think of is how she's seeing me. Not that she's glad to see and old friend. Or amazed by my beautiful girls. But that she's thinking about how fat I've become. We're standing about two feet apart and I find myself trying to hide. I cross my arms, because we all know that will easily hide an extra hundred pounds, and I wish the floor would just swallow me up. Of course, it didn't. We chatted for a bit and then she and her son went back to eat some more of their food. I got the girls ready and we went and had some lunch too. The whole time, I was hyper aware of where she was in the restaurant. And if I was in her line of sight, I was very conscious of my posture and keeping my stomach sucked in so if she happened to look my way I wouldn't look like such a blob. Finally, they left. And I exhaled.

Here's the thing. I remember this girl as being a nice person. And during the course of our short conversation, I learned that she was still married to her high school sweetheart, she has three kids and she's in her last (or second last?) year of med school and is living apart from her family for the next few months. So, is she really thinking about my weight gain right now? Hmmmmmm.

1 comment:

mollyfp123 said...

It's so ironic, there is always something, kwim? She was probably thinking, "please don't notice the huge pimple I tried to cover on my forehead."

When I run into people, I am thinking (but not saying), "yes you can stop wondering. My son has autism. I spend 24/7 working on helping him recover. I would have worn make-up today but I lost my little bag somewhere. I'm impressed with myself that I remembered to shower today...."'s always something with people...

:) Molly